Wednesday, December 28, 2011

A call for Arms

Out my arms
To hold you close
That I would bask in you
In the warmth of your birthing
A new season to enjoy
Revel in the subtle changes
And feel your movements under my palm
Each one too small for the eye to witness
I did not know there would been a cleansing
A washing to strong for your stillness
You could no longer hold your seed
And I cried for your losses
For they were mine also
Pearls left on the road
Where even men
Missed the glean
Of tears
By cheeks
On high ground
Looking for words
Spelled like red crosses
Of an Army who saves
So you wonder who will march
In with tracts and hopefully lunch
For bodies can’t hear over the gnaw
Because bellies are attached to the hearts
And my soul is ever attached to yours
Please bring seeds so I can remember love
Let me show you the old cornerstones
Talk with me of where I can be
When the dark takes the daylight
To places I can’t go
Before you leave here
Tell me the truth
Will you come
Back for

© Navypoet 12/28/11

Thursday, December 1, 2011


I watch her move
The sway of her hips
And how she holds her hands just so
In between your palm and thumb
I try but have no hand to hold
I subconsciously shift my weight
From heel to the ball
Of my feet
So my legs might look longer
And perhaps I can mimic
Her cadence of confidence
She, having no trouble
Keeping up with your long strides
As I did on
The few times you allowed me
To be in public with you
Ashamed that I am not prettier
And far less desirable
Than she
Only good for undercovers and
Behind doors
Round the way
As is often said of
“Less than” women
And those who your momma
Can’t meet
So I watch and learn
How to be someone else
Tilt my head to the light
Just so
Practice sighing in contentment
Imagine it is me you are kissing
In a private place
In a crowded mall
Learning to
Hide the real me from sight
So that I may too find a man
That desires me so
That loves me
As you do her
Because what good is it
To be a me
When I am alone
In the Metroplex

© navypoet 11/29/11

Amutum iri

Lying on my side
In a memory position
Hands supine
“Amutum iri”
No longer, but readied
Ablatively hardened
To any disinclination
Of love’s expectations
Unresistingly listless
I remain still in the light
Amazed that it feels just the same
As when I lived without a word
Longing to be seen
By you
Noticed and called to your heart

(c) navypoet 11/29/11

Slack Tide

In this moment,

In this moment frozen in time

Where danger is a memory

A distant memory

Drifting away on current

No wave, nor wind, hazardous

A slight miscalculation

Just the slightest mispeak

Could send words reeling end over end

And judgment is taken to task

Swiftly passing in a moment

Swiftly passing

Into spaces where they cannot be recalled

Into the sea

Drowning adrift

But hopelessly drawn

And hopelessly dawned

On a bitten tongue

Trying to reclaim the silence

Of a slack tide

©NP 11/11

Friday, November 25, 2011

slippin into darkness

And I was
Slipping into darkness
Slipping away
Slipping free
Free to see all the people
Slipping up the street
And around the corner
Standing with eyes open
Fixed on
Better places and better ways
To get it, make it, plan it
Their mind beyond the dreams
As I was
Slipping into darkness
I didn’t know my name
Call me, find me, free me
In the slip, ready
Cash in my hand, money on my mind
And the drunken people
In the pews
Calling on the sword
To smite their unseen enemies
For the lack of mirrors
Turned from their own reflections
Less they see the need
Of corrected stance
When I heard my mother say
That I was slipping
Into darkness
Treading a edge
Between margins and marginalization
My brother sought my face
And yet, I didn’t recognize
Wholly, slowly, holy
No one understood
Save the man in the alley
How one gets lost
In broad daylight
Waiting to get found
Yet needing to be
Lost, remembered, alone
Sucking on my salvations
I sat on steps of promises
Though I know they are out of order
I’ve been
Slipping into darkness
On rhymes, on dreams, on grief
On counselor’s wings
The program works
If you do it
Unless you can’t remember how
I am
Slipping into darkness
The piper taunts, teases, tries
My patience
For what I think I need
And pretty soon
I’m gonna pay

© NP

Monday, November 14, 2011


“Not viable”
Ringing over and over
In my ears
Bouncing off my brain
What did he mean?
I wanted him
And he was mine
All mine
I had waited years
For just the moment
When I would hold him in my arms
For the day
He would arrive
In my life way
I worked to be my best
Prepared my heart
Just for him
“Not viable”
The words seemed
A cruel joke
I was ready
For the whole world to know
That I had been blessed
Among women
For he would have
Been me and I him
“Not viable”
I lay on my bed
Waiting for the pain
That I knew would come
Waiting for the pain
That I knew had stopped
Tears fell in rivers
The medicine had no effect
On my heart
As I always was, am
“Not viable”
My body yielded to
Split into
My body, heart, soul
No cries
No flowers and smiles
Family or friends
No rejoicing
For those
“Not viable”
© NP

Monday, October 17, 2011

At my window

I sit on the windowsill
My feet propped sideways on the heater
Every breath fogs the glass
And crystallizes you in my eye
Today I found your picture
In its lost place in my mind
Called up through the haze
Of longing and need
That I have denied knowledge of
In my effort to pretend to be over you

Today I hold my own arms and need
To be touched by your strong hands
I want to rest my head against your chest
And close my eyes in safety
Breathe in the scent that surrounds
My every memory of being next to you
I hear your voice when I sleep
Disappointed to find it is only a pillow
I am holding at the breaking of night

Tomorrow morning I will count
Rows facing me across an even road
And wonder what you will see
As you face a new day
Will you feel my loss
At waking up without you
Hear me whisper your name
Into the blowing prairie wind
In a time of open doors
The harvest of my truth is
I have never stopped loving you

© NP 10/11


I long to eat mangoes
Fruit flesh firm like mine
Golden hued and kissed
Under your urgent lips
With only a hint of sweet
Mulattoed blend
And picked cotton scented
Long lower limbs stretched
Into the edge of each row
Feeling the difference
Of a forced cohabitation
With old world and new
Free and freedom and fear
I can’t see that far
While I am awake
It is only in dreams
Twixt owl’s call and bat wings
That I can run through the wind
© NP 10/11

Sunday, September 25, 2011


The touch, taste of you

Explodes on my tongue

Sweeter than the blackest berry

Hidden at the edge of a forest

Fed through by a swift creek

The willow stands on the bank

Roots half buried, half exposed

Where they meet the current

Branches touching the shade

Where we spent hidden eras

My real, you witness

Peeling back the skin

From my back

Whitewashed in the sun’s heat

My bones the color of you

My blood tinted in love

No one asked me why

They only saw that

Our skin was different

Beneath silk and sackcloth



That we are all the same

Under the eyes of God

Will they be able to seperate

My blood from yours now

Life’s liquid

Spilled on the ground

Beneath a noose

Too often colored in red

As each drip from the tree

Mingles with the drops

Spilling from my wrist

And the pain filled tears

From a heart torn apart by ignorance

And the loss of my soul.

© NP 9/11

Monday, September 5, 2011

Once more

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our English dead.

-Shakespeare, Henry V, Act III, 1598.

Once more quickly into the breach

We go before the king’s speech

Syntax and rhythm tied by threads

Mind imagination is left in heads

Spew all but nonsensical rhymes

Words to fall before the sands of time

When once lost language’s truest spirit

And spoken none recognize that hears it

Man loses stories’ communication

To dots, dashes and abbreviation

Oh where would I that love true test

Is not only written but spoken best

For my ears still long to hear

Promises that ease my heart from fear

Read in a script penned by you

And not my folly that I pursue

Once more I beseech to thy own lips

And like eager greyhounds in the slip

Speak; speak to me of beauty fair

Upon your lance my banner wear

Or leviathans that patrol the sea

Words to thrill and frighten me

The stars and space are but a stroke

Of leaden scribe of which you spoke

Combine them all in prose and ink

Give me things upon which to think

Practice please your written verse

And lode not diagramming upon yonder hearse

For Charon awaits a dangling phrase

And slang that’s passé in fewest days

Teachers teach, until all has finally been said

And then wall up words until English is dead

Once more my pleas stand in the breach

Once more, once more, please teachers teach

© NP 8/11



And Jacob called the name of the place Peniel: for I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.” Genesis 32:30



Through the nites

From the edge of

My hard heartedness

Afraid to go forward

And afraid to go backwards

I could not let go of your hand

For he had already gone away

Leaving me feeling unloved and adrift

The touch on my hip spread across my skin

Fiery pain kept me from sleeping

So I prayed pleas for your mercy

Your silence left me hopeless

In my humility

I could only weep


From my heart




I called

In the dark

Deep where I sought

Words of forgiveness

Only to receive your

Silent indifference

Yet my struggle continued

I railed against the denials

That I, who only desired love

Would be denied such from you who are love

Did I not give faithful and earnest prayers?

Repentfully confessing my sins?

Ignoring the pain of my flesh

Living in bewilderment

I held her tight to me

Seeking my blessing

Inside the ink


I knew



Been heard

And my name called

Within many dreams

Permanent blue marks me

Approaching the end of dreams

I am that which was given me

The sum perseveringly prevails

I will ever be his navypoet

Monday, August 22, 2011

in the margins

Sometimes you can find me here
If you are looking
This is my nothing place
Safe from the pain
Safe from feeling
I have a corner here, lonely
I can turn my face from God
And grieve alone
Refusing the comfort
That I do not deserve
Untouchable to the world
That others inhabit
Bearing invisible marks
That circle my heart like
Barbed wire

Sometimes you can find me here
Wrapped in an untamed love
Too much to bear
Too much to witness
Spiraling and rampaging
Uncomfortably numb
Absent then weeping
When no one is looking
Of eyes prying
And words too fallow
I smile at you vacantly
But you only see the curves
Of my lips
And not the dullness in my eyes

Sometimes you can find me here
Haunting the edges of your happy
You taught me too well
That love is never enough
Yet, that is what I long for
Out here
In the dark, In the cold
I spend time going through
All the motions of life
I eat, breathe, talk, pray
I cannot feel the emotions of life
In my corner
Even though suspicious and wary
I tried to leave this place
Place my faith in what I read
To give is to receive
Love and be loved
Never too late to follow the commandments
And yet, I was forsaken
Only to return

Sometimes you can find me here
Huddling on the edge
Arms wrapped tight across my chest
In a vow of self protection
I weave callousness from the inside
Avoiding the light and the rain
Most days
And then
I awake to a day dawning pretty
Every once in a while
I have to fight the impulse to call you
Although I know you
Can’t be bothered to answer
I try or I cry
Both the same
In the end

Sometimes you can find me here
Even though I gave you
All that I had
You don’t bother to look for me
So my numbness gives way
To an encasing darkness
A forever feeling that
I cannot
And don’t deserve to be loved
You can always find me here
Heartbroken and watching life
Go on around me
From the margins

© Navypoet

Sunday, August 14, 2011



Am waiting in your margins

Waiting patiently for you

To know my thoughts and dreams

To see me as I am

Out here on the other side

Of your punctuation


Am waiting in your margins

Living beyond the ink

I imitate memories

That I do not own

Of you saying love in

Penciled echoes


Lie just outside your margins

Naked and sumptuously warm

Waiting on the touch

Formed in flesh memories

Capturing in sepia tones

Charcoal shadows


Linger in the margins

In an imperfect light

Speaking to God

Of how my heart wants

To find promised favor

And printed solace


Will remain here in the margins

Needing to be called to you

And it is cold on the outside

Of your arms

But like a word once written

I will always be yours

© NP 8/14/11

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Brilliance...Loop Poetry

Come to me thoughts clear and wise
Wise of knowledge on things now known
Known for pondering subjects so deep
Deep in thoughts while other sleep
Sleep the dreamless nights of those
Those who trust that daylight will come
Come to wake them from peaceful slumber
Slumber that escapes my wandering mind
Mind that entertains restless dreams
Dreams of how to impart my feelings
Feelings that leave me in utter surprise
Surprise and wonderment at how my life is now
Now that you are no longer my brilliant dream

© NP


Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Scattered thoughts

I spent a big part of my day worrying my thoughts as if I was counting the beads on a silken rosary, praying. I knew I had a whole agenda to accomplish today and I just couldn't quite make headway into the darn thing.
I decided instead to pull up my favorite pieces from the April 30/30 writes and post them here. The theory was that I would write 30 new pieces in 30 days to celebrate National Poetry Month. I do not know that I succeeded, but I had an awful lot of fun trying to write to a new prompt every morning.
I hope you enjoy my stopover as I enjoyed the re-savoring of the pieces.



Had you not been working in your lab
Would I now know your name?
Would we be intimates,
You, me and God?
Contemporaries in discovery
I can’t help but wonder
If this was just an accident
This knowing
That I don’t want to know
Of lymphomas and radiation
Naming the stages
So that I can mark the years
In infections and prayers

Some knowings are mask behind
Simple things
Colds, headaches, fever
Hiding from early detection
In over the counter treatments
How was I to know
At 29 years of age
What prolonged and acute
Actually looked like
Me in my life and her in hers
Passing and greeting
In texts and voicemails

Did God give you leave to
Find the door
Through which a loved one
Can exit to go back home?
I needed her to be here with me
But she was borrowed
And not mine,
A loan paid back with interest
I keep her passport on my dresser
The page is folded and stamped on
Her last stop, the “Hodgkins” line.

© NP 04/04/11


Stars fall through my window
Attaching to holes in my eyelids

There are too many things to say
And yet I chose not to

Such are my bedtime stories
Though you will never hear me

© NP 04/06/11


“Ann-full of Grace”

And soul
Open handed
To give and receive
To DO thanks to others
Clearly my choice was to choose
Communion to community
Do I give that which I have received,
Or hide my gifts under bushel basket?

© NP 4/12/11

Jr league

Standing in the living room and
Staring out the wall to wall
Floor to ceiling glass windows
That overlooked the green grass
I tried to imagine me
Running out the side door
Just to chastise the bag boys
Who were far too slow in
Picking up wayward golf balls
Off my back lawn
Would I be wearing a
Cashmere cardigan of soft pink?
Or maybe a track suit in
An emerald teal with matching
Well, I decided
If it was in the morning
I would definitely have on
Fashionable heels and a
Skirt and blouse
He would then know I meant
Especially since I would
Probably be late for a meeting
Which would throw me behind
In getting my hair cut
And the hospital ribbon cutting
It was then that I was pulled
Out of my reverie
To be introduced to yet another
Woman of no-color
Who, like the one before
Was excited to be the first
Chapter in the area to
Have one

© NP 4/20/11


Grass is cleaner
Grass is greener
Greener days
Greener ways
Ways to know
Ways to grow
Grow few
Grow knew
Knew corn
Knew born
Born wheat
Born neat
Neat rice
Neat mice
Mice DNA
Mice RNA
RNA copy
RNA poppy
Poppy grown
Poppy sown
Sown food
Sown good
Good eat
Good meat
Meat pen
Meat hen
Hen egg
Hen leg
Leg of ham
Leg of lamb
Lamb in spring
Lamb is king
King of table
King is able
Able to change
Able to arrange
Arrange splice
Arrange knife
Knife removes
Knife proves
Proves that man
Proves he can
Can employ
Can destroy
Destroy implantation
Destroy creation

Sunday, July 3, 2011


"love until you can't trust anymore"

It is not a matter of judgement between friends. We correct in grace and encourage in love. Words spoken must be kept in trust for the sake of the sharing and the promise of desire to be honest with ourselves and our bonekeepers. Is there anything in this world more precious than the freedom to be? Did not God himself, in his divine wisdom, not endow us with choice? That coupled with accountability to Him and to each other create the beauty in this world. It is only when the sacredness of friendship is betrayed that we understand the miasmic nature of this world and what our choices truly are.


Song of Solomon 4:16

Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.”

A wind bloweth gently

Stirring the hair

At the nape of my neck

Eyes closed I savor the scent

Of musk and spice and Africa

The loam of earth’s origins

Grown in fabled gardens

I await my beloved’s return

For reclamation

Prepared with anointments

Ruddy with ministrations

Fine gold braided in strands

At the secreted entrance

To a private sanctuary

Pomegranates lay heavy on boughs

Cinnamon studded with spikes

Of the finest saffron

Reddened apple bottomed fruits

And succulent peaches

The table set and feast prepared

Let my beloved come and have his fill

Awake fair winds

Bear him to his garden

Stir the petals gently

To release the spicy pungency

Of my ripened fruit

Grown from his careful tendings

Seeded for his palate only

© NP 7/2/11

Monday, June 27, 2011


#7NAPO Funeral

(quote from Frank X Walker’s-“Buring Albatross”)

“Standing close enough to kiss, we almost touch and pretend”

that we really didn’t want to despite the yearning in our hands;

for the closeness of the familial feel of fingers on face

my own wrapped around cheeks holding you still

while wiping a smudge off your chubby cheeks. Just a

mirror of my mothers, smiling in crooked disgust

at being tended to with a gentle assurance that just as

quickly, I might let you go before you are ready to leave.

I straighten the collar of your white shirt and smooth the

shoulders of the black suit, brushing off the invisible dust

That keeps my hands connected to you. My heart tied to the

strings that I braided with the third cord I suddenly found

dangling from the umbilical apron ties that my mother

left on the hospital bed before shedeparted for home.

© NP 4/07/11


I am ready to be cleansed

Washed clear of the discontent

That straightens my back

Under a heavy weight

I stand firm, totally still

Orders not be disobeyed

On this side of time

Standing ever grey ground

Dressed in coats that lost

The meaning to the tides

Of windswept change

Would my momma know why

She worked on the farm

From sun-up to sun-down

Birthing gravestones under

Every harvest moon

To replenish the ranks

Of the able-bodied hands

To work more, grow more

And glean more for others

Sisters sewing the ash woolens

Of men’s funeral clothes

For their final march

Under the stars and bars

Roll red tide

Until you sweep me away

The idealist now control

The ebb and flow in Tennessee

Across every valley

A blue coat now monitors

Many a watery stone

And the rivers wash over

Those who never made it home

© NP 4/26/11


Standing much too close

To the hoof

I can feel pot liquor

And BBQ sauce

Beading up on my brow

Head swimming with the

Threat of the sugar diabetes

I am forced to find

The cool spot in the shade

I idly watch

The little brown children

Playing hopscotch

Under netless basketball goals

And they Crash into each other

A fire crackles against

A blackened metal drum

Just in between the beats

Of a sax down low

And a killer baseline

Shoulders rock an invitation

To find their step

In a full tilt electric slide

With shouts of “yeah”

And “alright now”

Until house slippers pop

Without shame under

A swerving hip

And they Crash into each other

Standing much too close

To a crackling fire

I can feel the heat

Beading up on my brow

And just in between the sips

With my head swimming

To that killer baseline

You rock my shoulders

With your full tilt electric smile

Lips parted to whisper

“Alright now”

At the end of this summer day

I can’t wait to get home so we

Can Crash into each other

can't sleep

He awaits me

In corners and blind alleys

Full tilt neon boogie

In get back blues

I speak

His name loudly

Damn near scream his name

In a delta rhythm

Heel clicking on sidewalks

Broken glass sparks

Moist and hot

In a basin of water

His power over me

Strong and relentless

So I run faster, wider

My hips sway stactically

Pearls on the river

And blood in my veins


Drawn towards his light

As if I didn’t know better

I confessed

To my preacher

I just knew

A longing like this

Had to be a sin

He only agreed

And wiped electric

Off his chin

In that tired knowing

Of one that has

Been full before

Has been sated

At the table

No blessing for me

Just a pat on the hand

Even he was afraid

Of a new embrace

That could start

Him to moving

Into the void, again

Still I speak

Him into being

Ordered and

Disordering my words

Staining my radiance

In a swirling mist

Allowing the water

To cover me

To fill the spaces

He left open

Cleansing vowels

My reflection

Breaking shadows

Into more shade

I’m ready

To cross over

Spitting the flavor

Onto the pavement


Of the taste

On the tip

Of my tongue

My flesh is weathered

And bears the mark

Of his days

Across my belly

Around my hip

I span the length

With fingers spread

Until prints

Coil together in

A nest of promises

Unfulfilled sacredness

Trembling at the edge

Of a passerby’s irises

Sightless again

And I just want

The scent of him

In my mouth

To quench this thirst

This knowing

This lightening

Scorching my breast

The dawn is near

Though I know

I won’t sleep again

Closing my door

On the life outside

And drinking tea

In a broken cup

I am ashamed

At susceptibility

Of words spoken

In whispers

Wrapped in linens

And perched on windowsills

Holding the pain

Behind my smiles

He comes to me

In lonely thoughts

But I know hear

For I no longer


In love

© NP 5/20/11

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Radio show

I am greatfilled to have been a guest on Inner Child Radio.
Please enjoy the broadcast.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Wednesday 6/15...7PM

So many changes

I have experienced so many changes in my life recently. As I struggle to find balance, I will endeavor to post more frequently and to update this blog as well as my other effort "ceruleanmusings".
Thank you for your support.



Today I am beyond broken

Beyond tears and so tired

I need the sanctuary of love

That can only be found

In the crook

Of a strong man’s arms

I need to feel protected

Safe from the storms of the day

Safe from the currents that blow

Winds of illness and uncertainty

Of things that we cannot name

In the light of days

I need the sanctuary of love

Where I can be strong for him

Holding his head in my lap

Brushing trouble off his temple

Whispering nothing across brows

Worried with troubles of

An imperfect and unfair world

I need to be love’s refuge

A place where he can be himself

And allow me to be his anchor

For every concern

And for every day

Today I am beyond broken

Tomorrow I will be

Less or more so the same

These are the days I am not

Meant to be all alone

Thoughts of foreverness cling

To my waking moments

And disturb my sleep

I need the sanctuary of love

That has been denied me

And has left me beyond tears

And so very tired

©NP 5/24/11





Committing faith

Fasting in the sun

For manifestations

Believing benevolence

Would surely find me in favor

For what I wanted seemed so little

In the grand scheme of running the whole world

A four letter word was my desire

Parlor Trick

I want to believe

But each and every morning

I wake up to the same me

Did God not hear my prayer?

I don’t mind so much

The graying hair and

The knees that ache

In wet and cold weather

I really don’t care that

I make less money than I should

All of that is irreverent

I just need to step out of my bed

And keep walking

Without looking back

Without a pained conscious

You see, I need an iron heart

And not this leaky one I went to bed with

I just asked for a small thing

I don’t use this vagina anyway

If God would just give me a penis

Then I could be like you


I contemplated you today

There is no way to know why

And I don’t even know how

When we last spoke

We were happy and sharing

Looking forward to the weekend

You had another name then

Or maybe it was just

Your social representative

Did you get lonely?

And decide to find solace

In another space?

I would have gone with you

I just couldn’t find the directions

I have looked for doorways

And searched high and low

For the map you made

But it remains hidden from me

I suspect that one day

You will tell me your secrets

because of you

I wonder through this world

A heart lost to the daylight

Pulling the tattered edges of my soul

Leeward into the pain

I clench my fist tight

Shaking it into the face of grace

Who am I that the Lord of all

Would leave me alone

When I needed Him the most

Could He not see me fasting

Could He not hear my prayers

My question earns the silence

As I listen for the echo

Of the love I tried to mirror

That was deflected beyond me.

Monday, March 14, 2011


Is there an accident

Waiting to fall on my head

Around the next corner

I think so

For I still bear the dents

From such debris

A small drop of melted wax

Hot to the touch

A needle hidden in the carpet

And lying in the fence post

A small splinter of wood

Waiting to kiss a straying hand

As when I was a child

I want to be innocent

Of the perils that stand watch for me

To wander by each day

I do not want to know

That I take a risk upon each rising

Out of the bed for breakfast

I don’t want to be afraid

And I don’t want to be alone

Unprepared and accidently I am

Unexpectedly so

I want to get up with the sun

Smiling and ready to play

Expecting that my friends will still like me

Despite the mean things

I said yesterday

About cooties

I want to know that when I get home

There is safety and warmth

Waiting on me behind the door

To envelop me in arms

And not the silence I hear

There are scars on my legs

From bicycle accidents

Burns on my wrist from touching

A lamp without a cover

My skin is a map

Of uncarefullness

Singed from wrapping myself

Around your light

But my deep in the dark scar

Lies just under that

Covered completely

Like so many failures


I can only kick at the clods

Standing around the open grave

Mirrored in my eyes

I need to bury my broken heart

And say last rites

But I live without notice

Painfully raw

The beating is stilled, teacher and

I have finally learned the lesson

That hurts way too much

To speak out loud

“I am not worth loving”