because of you

I wonder through this world

A heart lost to the daylight

Pulling the tattered edges of my soul

Leeward into the pain

I clench my fist tight

Shaking it into the face of grace

Who am I that the Lord of all

Would leave me alone

When I needed Him the most

Could He not see me fasting

Could He not hear my prayers

My question earns the silence

As I listen for the echo

Of the love I tried to mirror

That was deflected beyond me.

Lessons

Is there an accident

Waiting to fall on my head

Around the next corner

I think so

For I still bear the dents

From such debris

A small drop of melted wax

Hot to the touch

A needle hidden in the carpet

And lying in the fence post

A small splinter of wood

Waiting to kiss a straying hand

As when I was a child

I want to be innocent

Of the perils that stand watch for me

To wander by each day

I do not want to know

That I take a risk upon each rising

Out of the bed for breakfast

I don’t want to be afraid

And I don’t want to be alone

Unprepared and accidently I am

Unexpectedly so

I want to get up with the sun

Smiling and ready to play

Expecting that my friends will still like me

Despite the mean things

I said yesterday

About cooties

I want to know that when I get home

There is safety and warmth

Waiting on me behind the door

To envelop me in arms

And not the silence I hear

There are scars on my legs

From bicycle accidents

Burns on my wrist from touching

A lamp without a cover

My skin is a map

Of uncarefullness

Singed from wrapping myself

Around your light

But my deep in the dark scar

Lies just under that

Covered completely

Like so many failures

Unseen

I can only kick at the clods

Standing around the open grave

Mirrored in my eyes

I need to bury my broken heart

And say last rites

But I live without notice

Painfully raw

The beating is stilled, teacher and

I have finally learned the lesson

That hurts way too much

To speak out loud

“I am not worth loving”

Pregnexpectations

Pregnexpectations

Nurtured in my bosom

Ample secrets

Bearing the words of blue

I contemplated

A fulfritioning of time

Trimestered with pleasure

And divided by days end

While each movement

And every slight flutter

Bore a witness to

That which consumcrated

Within aortein passages

Love

Growing

For three long years I held

My heart for you

Atop the fullness

Rounding out my hip

With always happy at my fortunancy

And only some days of

The nocturnailments

That brings tears to your eyes

For every birth is witnessed

By pain

Heartaches and sadness

At the turn of the turn of the hour

When the moon was full

My time drew near

And with bags packed

Intending to bewithed

I met a handsome stranger

On the road south

Bearing swathords in hands

Words cut through muscle and tissue

The abotcherist excised

All the wombcord from my dreams

Leaving my love gasping

Raggedly clinging for life

And floating in amniolucent blues

All the pieces needed for creation

Were left fallow inside

I am sybioxplusing

As I can only wait for the

Final miscarriage of my

Pregnexpectations

Home

It’s been many weeks

I still can’t sleep

Too many mornings

I awake to tears

Coursing down my cheeks

And I go ahead and cry

Until my eyes are dry

And I get you out my mind

Put on my mask for the day

So I won’t hear anyone say

Are you ok?

And I know I must hide

They need not know

I am still falling

Through time and space

In a life’s rat race

Without mooring

Or a place

To call home

The armor I wear

When I leave the door

Is cheery and bright

Sexy and tight

A uniform to make people

Think that I’m alright

When the truth is clear

If you look in my eyes

The darkness is still there

And not deep inside

But brimming at the corners

Waiting to spill over

At the mention of your name

I don’t want to hear

It’ll get better with years

Time has no meaning

While my heart is bleeding

And I can’t catch my breath

Step by step

I walk a path

Strewn with broken glass

Reflecting the pain

Prisms of light

Rainbows in the rain

And the road does not

Take me home

The bridge ahead

Is one I must cross

And burn down behind me

To get through this lost

But the warning sign ahead

Says ice danger is near

When the rest of the pavement

Seems surprisingly clear

Danger, poor traveler

Use caution to cross

I am scared to move forward

I can’t go back

There is nothing left there anyway

Not since a fateful

October day

When a wind tore down the walls

And left me out here

A hollow heart

Without a home

Love Poems

Love Poems

Leave you dizzy

And turn your world upside down

They are the type that

Do not care for rules

There is no common law for

Love Poems

And if you ignore them they

Cry for themselves

And make you weep too

These Love Poems

At once so terrifying

And beautiful

Love Poems wait for you

In the cracks of sidewalks

Rising up to trip you

On the way to the store

For a loaf of bread

Love Poems have I’s

And can see through half closed

And smoky lids

But you can’t see them

Love Poems wait

Until they take root

Deep inside of you

You may shy away from

Love Poems

Refuse to give ink

To their longings

Love Poems

Will make you miss them

Even when there is no one

Around to give them form

You can’t feel a love poem

Lingering in next month

You think you don’t need

Love Poems

You can get it in

And escape

Writing Love Poems

But they are everywhere

God loves you

His word is

A Love Poem

From beginning to end

Until you find out

That after Him

You should love you

Until there is

More than you can hold

Love Poems

Will fall from your lips

For in earth as it is in heaven

Love Poems

Are not written in ink

But blood

Lady Blue

Blue

Lady changed

Melodious whispered voices

Teasingly beckoned

Out hands your reach

Lovers of sea

Water adrifted on waves

Alone forever

Mine of love retired

But pretty words

Painfully felt

Never again

You cannot awaken

Dead

Even though ink called

Notorious

Penned passion

Of known man

Fame

Man known of

Penned passion

Notorious

Called ink though even

Awaken cannot you

Again never

Felt painfully

Words pretty but

Retired love of mine

Forever alone

Waves on adrifted water

Sea of lovers

Reach your hands out

Beckoned teasingly

Voices whispered melodious

Changed lady

Blue

Nightmares

The weight of the world
Straddles my dreams
And pins down my shoulders
Until I can’t breathe
My pulse is shallowly drawing
Stars behind my eyelids
Until I want to scream
STOP
And each night I am afraid
That only my heart will hear
To heed my command
For to pause before waking
May be my last thought
So I continue to struggle
With the pressure of your leaving
Amazed that pain feels the same
Whether asleep or awake
Yesterday or tomorrow
Until I want to box my ears
To keep from hearing your voice
Scrub my hands
Til they no longer feel your skin
And slap the taste of you
Out of my own mouth
Will my soul then be calmed enough
So that I can sleep without
Dreaming?